Live Free or Don't

A new bill proposed by well-meaning teetotaler Eddie Edwards, New Hampshire's State Liquor Law Enforcement Chief, aims to limit beverage consumption to one drink per hour in bars and restaurants statewide. Supposedly this bill is designed to reduce the number of drunk driving incidents in the state.

Gee. That sure is noble.

But before we surrender another little slice of responsibility to the government in lieu of common sense, let's just think this scenario through a little:

Say I'm a thirsty dude looking for a good time on a Friday night. I know I'm up against this new law, so I prime myself with a couple of beers before heading out for the evening. Already 2-3 beers into the festivities, I drive myself to the first bar and order a drink. I finish it, settle up and get back in the car.

Arrive at establishment #2. Order another drink. Guzzle, pay, get back in car.

Arrive at establishment #3--or maybe even go back to the first place because, hey, maybe they've forgotten me already! Repeat process. Six drinks into the evening and I'm out looking for another place to party! Wooooohoooooo!

Come on. Really?! You're serious about this? What kind of sense does this make? Are we going to hold bartenders accountable for this kind of garbage? Not only do they have to babysit us to make sure we're not over-served but now they have to keep track of who got served when? And has anyone discussed the economic impact on restaurants and bars?

This doesn't seem to make much sense. In fact, it seems like this could be a classic bid for attention. Maybe Eddie Edwards is looking for a promotion? He certainly has been making a name for himself these past few years.

In the unlikely event that this bill is passed, I propose that we draft a protest bill calling for the standard hour to be shortened from sixty minutes down to fifteen. Something bold, you know? Just to make a point. No one can argue that it's any more ridiculous than this bill, anyway.

While we're at it, we should think about changing the state motto, too. Go with something a little easier to hold to, like "Living Free Hurt Our Heads Too Much So We Gave It Up".

Hell, it's about time we changed the license plates anyway, seeing as how the epoxy and rebar holding Old Man of the Mountain together finally gave out on us.

Maybe Mr. Edwards will be kind enough to pose for a replacement.