Dear Barbaro

Below is an excerpt from the transcript of a cross-examination conducted by Dr. John Dolittle in the trial of Rational Human Beings v. The American Public and the American Media, et al:

DR. DOLITTLE: Good afternoon, Mr. Barbaro.

BARBARO: (nickers)

DR. DOLITTLE: You are, in fact, a horse, is that correct?

DR. DOLITTLE: For the record, would you please oblige the court by scraping your good hoof on the floor once to indicate a response of "yes" and twice for a response of "no".

BARBARO: (scrapes the floor once)

DR. DOLITTLE: Let the record reflect that Mr. Barbaro has responded in the affirmative.

DR. DOLITTLE: So, being a horse, it can be safely assumed that you neither write, read or speak the English language nor any other human language, for that matter. Is that a correct assumption?

DR. DOLITTLE: Again, please scrape your good hoof on the floor once for yes and twice for no.

BARBARO: (scrapes the floor once)

DR. DOLITTLE: The response is one scrape, indicating "yes".

DR. DOLITTLE: In fact, your understanding of human communication is limited to a relatively small spectrum of spoken, er, "suggestions" and non-verbal cues, yes?

BARBARO: (scrapes the floor once)

DR. DOLITTLE: The response, again, is "yes".

DR. DOLITTLE: Thank you, Mr. Barbaro.

DR. DOLITTLE: It's fair to conclude then, that the outpouring of sympathy regarding your recent misfortune in the form of cards, letters, flowers, gifts and ceaseless media coverage is of no meaning or value to you whatsoever. Do you agree with that conclusion?

BARBARO: (whinnies, scrapes the floor once)

DR. DOLITTLE: Again, please let the record reflect that Mr. Barbaro has scraped once, indicating "yes".

DR. DOLITTLE: Thank you, Mr. Barbaro.

BARBARO: (snorts)

DR. DOLITTLE: I have no further questions, Your Honor.